I'm in a strange place right now... I love my job, my husband, my life. It scares me to know that my husband has BIG plans that is going to change everything. New homes, new jobs, new friends, basically, starting all over, and I am happy with where I am now. The only thing that is wrong is the fact that we are so far from our families. Family is them most important thing to me and I am willing to make these changes... I still feel like something is missing though...
A couple of weeks ago Chris surprised me by telling me HIS plan for our future (part of what was mentioned above). It also included children which excited me to no end. We would start trying for kids around September 2011 so that if all goes according to plan we could possibly have a baby in May/June. I went to Wal-Mart and bought some pre-natal vitamins (because it's never to early to start treating your body well and planning in advance). I've been taking them religiously for three weeks. I read online that they are just regular multi-vitamins + folic acid. They are not supposed to interfere with birth control.
Well, last week I had a change of heart/perspective. I was supposed to start my period on Monday. But it didn't start. I told Chris Tuesday that I was late thinking he'd be upset, but amazingly he seemed to be okay with it, and almost happy! It took me an hour to get used to the fact that I may be indeed pregnant and immediately got planning. I got online and started checking symptoms and early pregnancy care. I convinced myself that I was pregnant and was super excited about it. Wednesday morning, it started, and I was to say the least disappointed. It made me realize that I am ready for this part of my life and I was surprise how much I wanted to be pregnant. The strange thing is after all this my period only lasted a day and a half (Thursday afternoon) when usually it goes on till the end of Friday. It was also very light comparatively.
So I got to thinking, to myself of course, why should we wait? I debated this with myself since I started on Wednesday. Yesterday, I finally came clean to Chris and told him I wanted to stop taking my birth control now. I knew I should have thought twice about it... he got upset and began telling me all of the reasons that this is not a good time - mostly because of money... but, is there ever a good time to have a baby - everyone tells me no. What he said made since - but I can't help the incomplete feeling I have. I don't even want to look at pictures of my two year old niece because I get jealous of the happiness a little one can bring. I realize I'm not quite 25 yet, but I want it so bad.
Anyway, I was still concerned about late then light period. I went to Wal-Mart this afternoon and bought a pregnancy test. I've heard that you can still have what appears to be periods while you are pregnant and I do not want to start my new pack of pills until I am 100% certain that there is nothing going on in there. I've just downed a bottle of water and I'm waiting to take it... I'll be back with results...
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