48 Hours to Go...

I'm going to really have to work at this to make it a habit! The last couple of days I haven't even turned on the TV after school ... this is testing week at school and I've been bringing home tests daily to grade and bubble - just because I don't trust seven-year olds to be in control of their grades - once it's in the computer it can't be changed. It's one thing if they fail, but if they fail just because they bubble wrong - I don't think that is fair.

Wow... I'm so random. I'm totally stressed out this week. Completely forgot about the Literacy Luncheon that all the team leaders were supposed to attend. I had to farm out my kids to the other teachers last minute (which they were not happy about). At first I was kind of upset about having to leave when I had such a good day of lessons planned, but it turned out nice. We were gone for about an hour and a half and had a wonderful STEAK dinner catered! But when we got back the kids were nuts and we got nothing accomplished. I called the loss and we went outside for an extended recess. I really enjoy being team leader. I get to get it on all the behind the scenes stuff and get to make important decisions about how our grade level is run. I am just not a good delegator and I like to do things myself - mainly out of fear that it will not get done to my standards. Take Pow-Wow for example...

I am so glad it's almost over by the way. I've done pretty much the entire thing myself. Ordered, picked up, and sorted 200 paper bags from the grocery store; set up station rotations and sent out parent notes; copied 268 copies of four different Thanksgiving activities for afterwards; cut 8 sets of 20 pieces of yarn to make necklaces; and started dying noodles for the necklaces. After a few minutes a couple others came to help then. The only nice thing is that we smelled the lounge up with rubbing alcohol and no one wanted to come in so we had the copier to ourselves. Haha.

It'll all be over Friday, and I can't wait. Is it too early to start counting down hours now? Let's see... about 48 hours until freedom. For a week anyway... hopefully that will be enough to refresh myself and hit it hard the next three weeks until Christmas. I have tons of challenges with my kids and more come up every day but I still feel like I am doing a good job with them. Doesn't mean we all don't deserve a break!

It's sad how we spend most of our life wishing time would go faster. I know I will look back and wish I didn't. My early new years resolution - find something positive in every day!

Results

So... the results are in... and it's negative. I expected it and it still feels dumb to feel upset about something that was never there... I guess all my problems are stress related, could also explain the emotional feelings. So I just took my first pill in the pack, right on time. I'll wait and count down the months until I can get off. It'll just make me appreciate it more when it actually happens.

So, anyway... Today was a waste of a day. Every day I want to have "nothing" to do, but when I get that opportunity I sit around watching TV and playing stupid Facebook games that I feel lazy and lethargic, then end up eating a bunch of junk to make it worse. Chris was in Tyler all day for the Jasper HS playoff game, he's not expected home until midnight. They played Gilmer and were not expected to do well - according to a text a few minutes ago they got there butts handed to them, oh well, football season is over! (Thank God!) and we won't have to change our Thanksgiving plans.

So, to recap my day:

- Watched about 8 hours of TV (pathetic)

- Got to level 249 in Mafia Wars

- Created 3 generations on the Sims3

- Did half of the laundry (how can two people go through this much in a week!?!?)

- Took a pregnancy test... negaitve :(

- Ate nothing of nutritional value (except my prenatal vitamin)

- PLANS on going to bed before 10 (yes, on a Saturday) and make Sunday a better day!

Lazy Saturday

So this is my first official blog. I've tried journaling before but didn't get much satisfaction from it. This time I'm doing this for me not to share with others...

I'm in a strange place right now... I love my job, my husband, my life. It scares me to know that my husband has BIG plans that is going to change everything. New homes, new jobs, new friends, basically, starting all over, and I am happy with where I am now. The only thing that is wrong is the fact that we are so far from our families. Family is them most important thing to me and I am willing to make these changes... I still feel like something is missing though...

A couple of weeks ago Chris surprised me by telling me HIS plan for our future (part of what was mentioned above). It also included children which excited me to no end. We would start trying for kids around September 2011 so that if all goes according to plan we could possibly have a baby in May/June. I went to Wal-Mart and bought some pre-natal vitamins (because it's never to early to start treating your body well and planning in advance). I've been taking them religiously for three weeks. I read online that they are just regular multi-vitamins + folic acid. They are not supposed to interfere with birth control.

Well, last week I had a change of heart/perspective. I was supposed to start my period on Monday. But it didn't start. I told Chris Tuesday that I was late thinking he'd be upset, but amazingly he seemed to be okay with it, and almost happy! It took me an hour to get used to the fact that I may be indeed pregnant and immediately got planning. I got online and started checking symptoms and early pregnancy care. I convinced myself that I was pregnant and was super excited about it. Wednesday morning, it started, and I was to say the least disappointed. It made me realize that I am ready for this part of my life and I was surprise how much I wanted to be pregnant. The strange thing is after all this my period only lasted a day and a half (Thursday afternoon) when usually it goes on till the end of Friday. It was also very light comparatively.

So I got to thinking, to myself of course, why should we wait? I debated this with myself since I started on Wednesday. Yesterday, I finally came clean to Chris and told him I wanted to stop taking my birth control now. I knew I should have thought twice about it... he got upset and began telling me all of the reasons that this is not a good time - mostly because of money... but, is there ever a good time to have a baby - everyone tells me no. What he said made since - but I can't help the incomplete feeling I have. I don't even want to look at pictures of my two year old niece because I get jealous of the happiness a little one can bring. I realize I'm not quite 25 yet, but I want it so bad.

Anyway, I was still concerned about late then light period. I went to Wal-Mart this afternoon and bought a pregnancy test. I've heard that you can still have what appears to be periods while you are pregnant and I do not want to start my new pack of pills until I am 100% certain that there is nothing going on in there. I've just downed a bottle of water and I'm waiting to take it... I'll be back with results...